but i don’t want to
breathe, i don’t want
the calm
i want the
noise, i want the
sound of traffic, a
machine breaking,
rock songs on repeat
and chaos
in between
for when i breathe
i don’t forget
and in calmness
i hear your tired,
weak, small heart
and then-
nothing
how are you?
fine, I’d say
thank you, I’d say
how are you?
I’d ask back
a routine, it seems
a lie, always
a loop, I’m stuck
get me out,
make me real,
save me
for ten years I moved
from place to place but
I kept the letters all in
a box and carried them
to different towns, only
to find out that I will want
and need to throw them away
because I have to move
again and the box didn’t
weigh much anymore
liam it was this time
of the year six years
ago when i knew i would
love you because you are
you and i am not capable
of real hatred
but summers came without
you, just blackened gaps every
30th when we mourn and try
to cope like we always do
because now you fit in a jar
without years to count,
just my tears and maybe prayers
or screams i aim at god
i’ll say this
again
you were art
and
everything else
was a
mistake
if this was 2010
you would’ve had me
at hello, but darling
i’ve grown since
then and if you
had five years of
anger within that
span, you’ll understand
me when i say-
words barely move
me these days
Unsent 